I close my eyes and think about you
I try hard not to let you go
I fight with myself to keep you alive
In my thoughts, actions and memories
I have got used to thinking about you
For days together, not counting nights
Sometimes I do it automatically
Just like a ritual I have got to do
I close my eyes and think about you
And then I wonder… why do I do it?
Is it really because I miss you?
Or is it just because I have got used to it?
I used to fight with you
Telling you not to give up
Justifying myself a thousand times
Trying my best to make you understand
Loving someone does not mean giving up
Love is all about standing up and fighting
With situation, with society, with critics;
With yourself, with me, with destiny…
Now I try hard to think about you
All that you really were…
All that I thought you were
And all that you actually weren’t…
Now sometimes I fight with myself
Because I have stopped thinking about you
I forget to remember you in each happy or sad moment
I disregard the memories once close to my heart
I don’t recall the last time I missed you
I have become ignorant of your existence…
Sometimes I feel
That I don’t know you anymore
And then I realize
That I never knew you…
I never ever knew you…
Friday, December 26, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Goooood Morniiiiiiing!!! ... and good evenings as well!!!
There was a time when I wrote about lazy mornings and how I don't like to get up in the mornings... well, that perception has changed somehow... and these days I have been enjoying getting up early in the morning! Yes, the morning is beautiful, and my mornings these days are made more beautiful by meditation classes and the talks by Salman sir! I really don't believe that I missed those classes for so many days!
For those people who don't know what I'm talking about, here's the explanation: We have morning meditation sessions everyday at IMT Nagpur, which is an entirely voluntary exercise. Dr. Salman Ahmed, a psychologist and our professor of behavioural sciences, conducts these classes. He had been practicing meditation for many years now, and he conducts these sessions with a commentary, followed by a talk for 15-20 minutes on different topics in which he integrates spirituality with practicality, and sometimes discusses our problems.
I have been quite disturbed and upset for some days, due to various reasons... I have been confused as to where I'm heading in my life, what is exactly my role and purpose, how will I survive in the world without using any unethical means etc etc. I had also become quite moody and unpredictable, I was not feeling happy from within, placement tensions added... and I had become really frustrated and very imbalanced.
I'm not claiming that morning meditation worked like magic and all my worries are gone in 10 days time... No, but I get a space for myself and feel fresh after meditating... I get to learn something about some everyday little problems and bigger problems too, from the things sir discusses after meditation, get a new perspective or a different thought process. And the incredible thing is that in a very short span of 10 days, it has started having a positive effect on me.
I feel happy for much part of the day now... and yes, I try and stop cribbing to people about the small everyday issues... Even I'm alone, I try not to feel lonely... that's quite difficult, but I have learned that if I run behind people, they will try to avoid me and if I try and stop controlling people, then they will be more comfortable around me.
It started even before I started going for meditation, but I feel that this is a transition period for me and my thought process, and I should make the most of it. More that anything, I needed to learn the art of being happy and I feel that I'm on the right track for that. Sometimes I do feel that I wasted so many days, doing opposite of what I needed to do for myself; but again I feel this is the 'right time' to go ahead and explore myself... and it feels nice inside doing that.
Now about the good evenings... I have started going for jogging in the evenings! yeah, those of you who are thinking that finally I have started 'the weight reducing exercise'; let me tell you that I have not yet started dieting... but I will start that also, when I feel that I should do it. Those evening walks and jogging is more of a mind exercise for me. I started it before I started with meditation, just to get out of this campus. This is placement season for us, and due to the current situation in job market, everybody seems to be frustrated and subdued here. All you can hear is 'the placement talks' which can be quite boring and frustrating in itself, sometimes more than the situation. This campus is like a small pond full of same type of fish, so once one fish gets affected, the disease spreads all over. The whole of the campus seems gloomy and I felt a great need to get away for some time. I have found a friend who loves taking walks and going out as much as I do, and it was him who suggested we should go for jogging in the evenings. Later on, we were joined by another friend and now the three of us going for walks is a regular phenomenon.
We have found a 4 km route where we walk and jog alongside the highway and it's fun! I had never enjoyed exercising per say, but this feels different. It is as if I run and I leave all my bad moods and worries behind and what remains is sheer joy of the evenings. I just love looking at the plethora of colours in sky at the time of sunset, and the beautiful moon shining above while we are coming back! More than anything, the nature has a therapeutic effect on me. There is so much to see, observe and enjoy that I forget myself and get engrossed in the surroundings... Once I remember that we went for walk somewhat late in the evening and till the time we came back, the sky was studded with sparkling stars all over. We were still at some distance from the campus, away from light, and the stars were shining above... how beautiful that was! we were just standing there, looking at the stars like small kids who have found a new treasure... I just can't describe that feeling in words!
What does it take to enjoy nature? Some time... just 10-15 minutes... but those 10-15 minutes energize you for the whole day ahead... and provide small moments of enjoyment which help you overcome most of the tensions and worries...
So that's the story of my happy mornings and happy evenings... wish you all the same...
Happy days are back again... Happy days are here to stay... :)
For those people who don't know what I'm talking about, here's the explanation: We have morning meditation sessions everyday at IMT Nagpur, which is an entirely voluntary exercise. Dr. Salman Ahmed, a psychologist and our professor of behavioural sciences, conducts these classes. He had been practicing meditation for many years now, and he conducts these sessions with a commentary, followed by a talk for 15-20 minutes on different topics in which he integrates spirituality with practicality, and sometimes discusses our problems.
I have been quite disturbed and upset for some days, due to various reasons... I have been confused as to where I'm heading in my life, what is exactly my role and purpose, how will I survive in the world without using any unethical means etc etc. I had also become quite moody and unpredictable, I was not feeling happy from within, placement tensions added... and I had become really frustrated and very imbalanced.
I'm not claiming that morning meditation worked like magic and all my worries are gone in 10 days time... No, but I get a space for myself and feel fresh after meditating... I get to learn something about some everyday little problems and bigger problems too, from the things sir discusses after meditation, get a new perspective or a different thought process. And the incredible thing is that in a very short span of 10 days, it has started having a positive effect on me.
I feel happy for much part of the day now... and yes, I try and stop cribbing to people about the small everyday issues... Even I'm alone, I try not to feel lonely... that's quite difficult, but I have learned that if I run behind people, they will try to avoid me and if I try and stop controlling people, then they will be more comfortable around me.
It started even before I started going for meditation, but I feel that this is a transition period for me and my thought process, and I should make the most of it. More that anything, I needed to learn the art of being happy and I feel that I'm on the right track for that. Sometimes I do feel that I wasted so many days, doing opposite of what I needed to do for myself; but again I feel this is the 'right time' to go ahead and explore myself... and it feels nice inside doing that.
Now about the good evenings... I have started going for jogging in the evenings! yeah, those of you who are thinking that finally I have started 'the weight reducing exercise'; let me tell you that I have not yet started dieting... but I will start that also, when I feel that I should do it. Those evening walks and jogging is more of a mind exercise for me. I started it before I started with meditation, just to get out of this campus. This is placement season for us, and due to the current situation in job market, everybody seems to be frustrated and subdued here. All you can hear is 'the placement talks' which can be quite boring and frustrating in itself, sometimes more than the situation. This campus is like a small pond full of same type of fish, so once one fish gets affected, the disease spreads all over. The whole of the campus seems gloomy and I felt a great need to get away for some time. I have found a friend who loves taking walks and going out as much as I do, and it was him who suggested we should go for jogging in the evenings. Later on, we were joined by another friend and now the three of us going for walks is a regular phenomenon.
We have found a 4 km route where we walk and jog alongside the highway and it's fun! I had never enjoyed exercising per say, but this feels different. It is as if I run and I leave all my bad moods and worries behind and what remains is sheer joy of the evenings. I just love looking at the plethora of colours in sky at the time of sunset, and the beautiful moon shining above while we are coming back! More than anything, the nature has a therapeutic effect on me. There is so much to see, observe and enjoy that I forget myself and get engrossed in the surroundings... Once I remember that we went for walk somewhat late in the evening and till the time we came back, the sky was studded with sparkling stars all over. We were still at some distance from the campus, away from light, and the stars were shining above... how beautiful that was! we were just standing there, looking at the stars like small kids who have found a new treasure... I just can't describe that feeling in words!
What does it take to enjoy nature? Some time... just 10-15 minutes... but those 10-15 minutes energize you for the whole day ahead... and provide small moments of enjoyment which help you overcome most of the tensions and worries...
So that's the story of my happy mornings and happy evenings... wish you all the same...
Happy days are back again... Happy days are here to stay... :)
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